In an unprecedented reversal of migration patterns, thousands of Russian men have reportedly crossed into North Korea in recent weeks to avoid being called up to fight in the war in Ukraine.
According to sources in the region, the crossings have taken place at multiple points along the Russia–North Korea border, with would-be conscripts using anything from official checkpoints to inflatable flamingo pool floats to make the journey.
THE MIGRATION
Traditionally, North Koreans have attempted to flee out of the country into neighbouring states, citing reasons such as famine, oppression, and wanting to watch The Simpsons without a 20-year prison sentence.
However, the latest influx has stunned Pyongyang officials, who have never previously experienced voluntary immigration.
“Usually, if someone knocks on our border gate, it’s to leave,” one bemused North Korean border guard reportedly told state media. “We had to look up the procedure for letting people in. The manual was covered in dust and dated 1953.”
REASONS FOR THE EXODUS
Many of the new arrivals say they chose North Korea because it is “the only place on Earth where Putin can’t send a draft letter.”
One man, who gave his name only as Viktor, explained:
“My options were prison in Russia or… well, a prison that covers an entire country. But at least here I won’t be shipped to the front. Unless Kim Jong Un starts a war with Canada, in which case I’m screwed.”
Another migrant said he was “looking forward to the free haircuts” and “state-approved music playlists” but admitted he was “still getting used to the smell of mandatory cabbage fermentation.”
AEROFLOT’S UNEXPECTED BOOM
The unusual migration surge has triggered an equally unusual economic uptick — in flights to Vladivostok, the closest major Russian city to the North Korean border.
Aeroflot reported a 700% increase in one-way ticket sales to Vladivostok in the past month, prompting a sharp rise in the airline’s share price.
Chief Executive Sergei Chugunov told investors:
“We are proud to facilitate the… relocation… of patriotic citizens seeking a change of scenery. Demand has been so high that our shareholders are now drinking two glasses of champagne at the AGM instead of one.”
Insiders say Aeroflot is considering renaming its Moscow–Vladivostok route the “Freedom Express,” though the Kremlin has quietly requested they “pick literally any other name.”
PYONGYANG’S RESPONSE
The North Korean government has issued an official statement welcoming the arrivals as “heroes of peace who have chosen to live under the loving care of the Supreme Leader.”
Officials say they are developing a “Special Russian Friendship Zone” in a disused munitions factory outside Chongjin, where migrants will be given “meaningful employment” such as painting murals of Kim Jong Un or testing the country’s latest anti-bird missile systems.
POTENTIAL ISSUES
Despite the propaganda fanfare, some challenges have emerged. Reports suggest that several Russians have already attempted to tunnel back into Russia, citing “a desperate craving for McDonald’s” and “slightly less censorship.”
International observers are baffled by the reversal, with one UN analyst remarking:
“Historically, people only moved to North Korea accidentally — usually after a very wrong turn while hiking. To see voluntary mass immigration is… let’s just say it’s new territory.”
LOOKING AHEAD
Kim Jong Un has reportedly offered the new arrivals honorary citizenship, promising them the “full benefits” of life in North Korea, including:
- Three radio stations (all playing the same song)
- The annual chance to see him through binoculars from 200 metres away
- The ability to own one (1) chicken per household “if loyalty is proven”
Viktor, for his part, remains optimistic.
“I know people dream of leaving North Korea, but I see this as a fresh start. Besides, once you’re here… how much worse can it get?”
The border guard who admitted the first group said he still wasn’t sure whether to stamp their passports or just keep them “as curiosities.”
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| North Korea - Russia Border |
