Friday 5 April 2013

Metro Radio to take over TFM as well as coffee shops and libraries across North East England

Metro Radio, A local radio station in Newcastle has taken over its Teesside neighbour TFM and is so pleased with the take over that it intends to take the concept further, to include libraries and coffee shops.

Several branches of Starbucks and various branches of publicly owned libraries have been approached by the broadcasting company with an offer to brand them as “Metro” establishments. Despite being an international company that fiercely protects it’s trademark Starbucks agreed instantly to the proposal whilst the public libraries agreed because they said in a joint statement that “they were mostly going to close anyway”.

The coffee shops will re-brand as Metro Coffee and will serve just one type of coffee and tea in each of its branches, various flavors and items off the menu that used to be exclusively offered in Teesside will be replaced with Newcastle ingredients because they are “significantly cheaper” the Metro Radio owners Bauer Media have said.

Meanwhile with Teesside’s former public libraries, any books which are not already present in the Newcastle Central Library will either be sold on Ebay or pulped over several lunchtimes.

Bauer has said it wants to achieve a complete similarity in its new book ranges and has also announced several significant cost savings in its new commercial public libraries including replacing whole sections of books with the internet and portable screens offering access to “Wikipedia”.

A spokesman for Stockton-on-Tees Borough Council said he was very encouraged by the Metro takeover because he just was. “I never valued those coffee shops and particularly not the libraries, who ever takes out a library book now, so old fashioned! you obviously haven’t much use for a Kindle!”

Written by Asterick Jones

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