Grimsby woman's neglect left houseplant in 'terrible condition'

WARNING: Photo of the emaciated plant at the bottom of this article may cause distress.

A WOMAN who neglected a house plant by refusing it water and sunlight so badly that it had grey leaves has been banned from keeping all plants for life.

The emaciated condition of the plant was so horrific that it was the worst case of its kind that an RSPCP (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Plants) inspector had seen.

The owner claimed she could not afford her water bill and Anglian Water had cut her water supply off – but that was no excuse because she lived not far from the Oaklands Garden Centre and Nursery in Laceby magistrates heard.

Samantha Young, 23, of Comber Place, Grimsby, admitted causing unnecessary suffering to a houseplant and five offences of failing to ensure the welfare of the houseplant, between October 17 and November 11.

Nigel Burn, prosecuting, said an RSPCP inspector went to Young's home on a routine visit after a report that a plant had been left unattended.

The plant was found in a "terrible condition".

The 2-year-old plant possessed "grey leaves" and it was "very thin".

Its leaves were hanging down and many leaves had gone hard and crispy and the plant was unresponsive to basic commands such as "photosynthesize".

The inspector could not believe the plant could be so cold and yet still be alive.

Young told him: "Well, it's not dead then, is it?"

The plant, called Greeny (who was actually far from it), was taken to the Oaklands Garden Centre and Nursery in Laceby where it was put to sleep.

RSPCP inspector Stuart Walters said the plant's condition was the worst he had ever encountered. The roots were "basically invisible" and some parts of the leaves looked purple. It had suffered for at least three weeks.

Gemma Cockcroft, mitigating, said Young had neglected the plant but did not deliberately act in a cruel way.

"She failed in her duty of care," she said.

Young claimed she did not seek help because she was "struggling hugely with her finances" and could not afford her water bill or a trip to the garden centre in Laceby. She was in arrears with her rent.

She had no previous convictions and had worked as a janitor until losing her job.

Presiding magistrate Michael Simpson told Young: "This is a very serious case of neglect. You caused considerable suffering to a houseplant."

Young was given a 12-week suspended prison sentence, 400 hours' unpaid work and was ordered to pay £150 costs and a Government-imposed £80 victims' surcharge.

She was banned from keeping all plants for life. Garden centres and nurserys across Lincolnshire such as B&Q have been issued flyers with Young's picture on it with a title "Do not sell plants to this woman" which are clearly displayed behind the store's counters.

Another £564 in RSPCP costs will be paid from central funds.

Following the case, RSPCP Inspector Stuart Walters said: "I am pleased with the court's decision, especially with regards to the disqualification.

"This was the worst condition of a living plant I have had to deal with. It is completely inexcusable. This seems even more unacceptable when Miss Young lived only 6.5 miles from the Oaklands Garden Centre, which provides an excellent local service."

The case came as it was revealed that the number of convictions for plant neglect and cruelty in cases brought by the RSPCP rose by a third in England and Wales last year.

The charity's annual prosecutions report shows offences rose from 3,114 in 2011 to 4,168 in 2012.

Some 1,552 people were taken to court, up from 1,341 - an increase of 15.7%.

RSPCP chief executive Gavin Kemp called the situation "a growing plant cruelty crisis" and urged judges to take "offences far more seriously".

The emaciated houseplant neglected by Samantha Young

Schoolboy permanently excluded from school after not doing homework

A furious mother has slammed teachers at Herne Bay High School in Kent after her son was kicked out of school because he did not do his homework.

Daniel Johnson, 14, was pulled out of class after he turned up for lessons without his homework

He was spoken to by the teacher and asked why he did not do his homework that had been set in the previous day. Daniel responded "I had better things to do than s**t homework." He was immediately escorted to the headmaster's office and promptly told he was being permanently removed from the school.

His mother Laura Johnson, 36, of Greenhill Road, Herne Bay, has defended her son, saying that he was too busy "playing video games" and "watching TV" to do homework.

The school has told Miss Johnson her son must not return to the school grounds - otherwise he would be arrested and charged with trespassing.

Miss Johnson said: "Schools giving homework to children is just plain torture, they spend 6 hours for 5 days of the week being subjected to this crap and they should not be given homework.

"My son was extremely busy the night he was given the homework, he was playing on his Xbox and watching Jeremy Kyle re-runs on the ITV playback feature on their website."

"Surely that is much more important than his education?

"I mean Jeremy Kyle is on between 9:25am and 10:30am, and the school force him to be in between 9am and 3pm, they make him miss his TV show so he should not do their homework. It's only fair."

"Daniel is only 14, his entertainment comes BEFORE his education in my view.

"I fully support and uphold his decision to refuse to do their homework."

Principal Dr Claire Owen said: "We are unable to comment on individual students' circumstances. In fact we are unable to comment on the fact that we are unable to comment."

Man who tried to cancel his SKY subscription needed counselling

The story of one northern man against the might of the Sky TV corporation all began one rainy Monday in April when Mr Andrew Jones of Carlisle tried to reduce his long standing Sky bill by threatening to quit the company's Pay TV services altogether over the phone to Sky's customer services.

He was initially offered a £5 reduction in his monthly Sky bill but it later emerged that the customer service operative he had spoken to had been instructed by junior and most importantly a corrupt level of management to apply A £5 surcharge. It was allegedly applied to make up for the loss to Sky's coffers with the subscription reduction by applying it to the customer's phone bill instead.

Outraged, Andrew Jones at first contacted BT, shouted a lot and then when he realised he was getting nowhere became suddenly aware that he had made his throat become hoarse. He then had to write a letter instead of making a phone call to OFCOM because he subsequently temporarily lost his voice due to the level of tirades he launched at BT.

Some days later he decided to phone Sky again to confront them and get an explanation for the stuation he found himself subject to a litany of offers not to cancel his subscription. He said "It left me feeling light headed."

Jones went on to describe how he had been affected by his experience with Sky customer services "last year I was a member of the Scientology cult but to be honest I found that easier to break away from than my Sky subscription due to my experience with their customer retention team when I tried to reduce my package."

Mr Andrew Jones was at one point offered access to solely the Sky 1 channel for £9 a month when he was asked what he would miss most from Sky TV's programming and said "Karl Pilkington".

"The customer retention team made me feel very very guilty for wanting to quit Sky at such short notice and after the 3 hour 31 minute long call I had to seek counselling afterwards."

Following the sessions of counselling Andrew Jones says he is recovering at home and getting by by watching his favourite his "Karl Pilkington" episodes on the TV series "An Idiot Abroad" which he is enjoying at almost the normal price he would have had to pay anyway. "I have gained virtually nothing from this, Sky1 at a slightly reduced cost, is that what my life amounts to?"

Jones says his remaining ambition in life is to succeed in downgrading to Freesat.

OFCOM has since fined Sky some £55000, which is at least 5000 times the amount that they had saved illegally from Jones' account.

Written by Asterick Jones

Worcestershire man "mowing lawn three times a week"

A MAN is at his wits’ end after mowing his lawn a sixth time in his front garden in just over two-and-a-half weeks.

Kevin Mickleton, of Evesham, Worcestershire, is sick and tired of having to mow the lawn all the time caused by the local yobs, who poured an extremely high amount of lawn fertilizer all over his garden, which is now causing his grass to grow extremely fast at the front of his property on Forest Gate.

As well as the regular electricity bills for running his Flymo Sprintmaster, Mr Mickleton said he is now unable to sell his house and is worried that the postman could trip over, making him liable for legal action, if the grass grows too long.

He is now finding himself mowing the lawn three times a week and it's getting extremely tiring.

Mr Mickleton said: “I woke up one morning and looked out my window. The grass was extremely long and it was absolutely shocking. It was like a forest had grown itself in my garden overnight.

“The grass was about 30cm high, it must have grown about 3cm per hour overnight, which is an abnormal rate for grass to be growing. I had to get the Flymo out and mow the entire front garden, which, due to the high length, took me just over two hours. I know it is due to the lawn fertilizer that the yobs put there, but I have no idea how to get rid of it.”

Worcestershire County Council carried out tests on the garden which revealed an extremely high amount of fertilizer from underneath the grass, clear cut evidence that is what is causing Mr Mickleton's garden to grow so fast, however the council have refused to do anything about it.

Joe Thompson, Worcestershire County Council spokesman, said: “We have taken Mr Mickleton's concerns very seriously and carried out various tests on his garden. However that is all we can do really, it's not our responsibility to get rid of the fertilizer. We are on a tight budget and cannot be wasting it on things like that."

Kevin Mickleton said he plans to do something about his fast growing grass "one way or the other".

Thornbridge car park, Lincoln, to reopen tomorrow after prank causes it to shut down

Thornbridge car park in Lincoln will reopen for use on Wednesday, April 24.

The car park above the bus station, has been closed since the end of February after a prank in which somebody, probably teenagers, painted new lines in the middle of the parking bays effectively creating new, smaller parking bays.

This caused people to park in the new spaces and nobody was able to exit their cars due to the short space between the vehicles. This caused extreme anger and confusion among customers.

Lincolnshire Council are now in the final stages of the repair for the car park.

Steve Bird, assistant director communities and street scene, said: “Whilst we understand the delay to Thornbridge has been an inconvenience, we hope people will understand that the problems created by pranksters have been something beyond our control. We are pleased it will be back open next week.

“Having good quality parking available is an essential part of encouraging people into the city to work, shop and support tourism.

“We would like to thank people for their patience during the delay. Their understanding has been greatly appreciated.”

When Thornbridge reopens it will be equipped with new CCTV cameras linked to Lincoln CCTV control which will prevent this sort of thing from happening again.

Its opening will relieve some of the pressure on car parking in the city, with the NCP multi-storey experiencing high demand today.

John Clyde jailed for 17 years over 'monstrous regime' of breaking public transport rules

A man who ate food and drunk on public transport has been jailed for 17 years.

Judge Andy Mull told John Clyde: "It was a monstrous regime of breaking public transport rules over time."

Maidstone Crown Court heard the 34-year-old used Arriva buses to travel to various parts of Kent, such as Maidstone, Tonbridge and Canterbury from his home in Gillingham. He then consumed various foods such as pasties, sausage rolls and even a Big Mac at one point during the bus trips. He also consumed various cold beverages on the journeys such as Coca Cola, Pepsi, mineral water and Oasis black-current juice.

Clyde, formerly of Trafalgar Court, Gillingham, was convicted in February of five charges of eating on a public bus, two of drinking on a public bus, five of spilling crumbs on a public bus, and two of spilling a drink on a public bus.

Prosecutor Christopher May said the bus company eventually told police how Clyde would get on the buses concealing food and drinks in his coat. Then he would sit at the back of the bus and consume the food and beverages, spilling a high volume of it over the bus floor and surrounding seats and generally making it a mess for other passengers. He apparently did this at least three times in one week.

When bus services had ended for the day some of the buses were taken to the Arriva bus depot in Dartford where cleaners vacuumed the crumbs left behind by Clyde, however it was increasingly difficult to remove the drink spillage stains that had been embedded into some of the back seats, the court heard.

Arriva had to use the company's budget an uncountable amount of times to hire a special cleaner to steam clean the seats to efficiently remove the spillage stains.

Eventually the bus company were fed up of doing this and company officials for Arriva Southern Counties looked back at CCTV footage from the buses in question, eventually they found Clyde on the cameras, eating sausage rolls and drinking Coca Cola, spilling it everywhere.

On that day the driver noticed what Clyde was up to and went to reprimand him. He was warned that if he did not stop eating and drinking, he would be kicked off the bus without a refund for his bus ticket, but Clyde bribed the driver £20 to keep quiet and let him off. Mr May said it was manipulation to prevent him from being kicked off the bus and the driver had accepted the bribe.

Clyde, now of East Grinstead, West Sussex, denied all the allegations despite clear cut CCTV footage showing him carrying out the offences.

The 34-year-old was sentenced to 17 years in prison without parole, he was also banned from using Arriva's services after his 17 year jail sentence and ordered to pay £500 in cleaning costs to repair the damage he had caused to the buses.

Bowl of cereal causes fire in Ashford, Kent

AN UNATTENDED bowl of cereal unexplainably caught alight and led to a call out for Ashford firefighters this afternoon.

The occupant of a house in Oak Tree Road poured Coco Pops and milk into a bowl then popped out to talk to a neighbour.

She was alerted to the fire by the sound of a smoke alarm and called the fire service at about 2pm who raced to the scene.

Two fire engines were sent and found the bowl on fire.

The blaze was quickly extinguished but Ashford Watch Manager Mark Thomas said there were important safety lessons to be learned.

He said: "Fortunately they heard the smoke alarm sounding and she quickly called us out. This shows how easily unattended bowls of cereal can potentially lead to a serious incident in the kitchen, especially when they are Coco Pops, as they are dark coloured they are more prone to randomly catching fire, and it also once again proves the worth of smoke alarms and we hope it serves as a reminder to others."

He said it was fortunate that the house had two smoke alarms as one was not working.

He added: "Had the faulty smoke alarm been the only one in the house, it would not have gone off and alerted the occupant. People need to be reminded to test smoke alarms."

The bowl was slightly damaged and there was light smoke damage to the worktop surface.

For further advice on how to keep you, your family or a neighbour safe from fire call Kent Fire and Rescue Service for free on 0800 923 7000 or visit their dedicated safety website for further information.

Coca Cola announce new Urine flavour

Coca Cola have recently announced their new plans for a urine flavoured drink to be added to their line up of brands.

The new flavour will join other well known portfolios such as Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, Coke Zero and Diet Coke. It will be available in either cans or bottles and will be marketed on a trial run across North America, Europe and Australia to start off with in early 2015, before being globally available in 2016.

The new flavour will also have it's own packaging with a yellow background, the same colour as urine, rather than the generic red as seen on the packaging of Coca Cola's original flavour.

Coca Cola spokesman George Newman said they are excited about the new flavour.

"We are very excited to announce Coca Cola is working on creating a new flavour to be added to our line-up. The new flavour will be urine and we expect to release this new flavour globally by 2016.

"Here at Coca Cola our prime target is the full satisfaction of our customers and we believe we will achieve that with a brand new urine flavoured drink."

In a press conference Coca Cola announced it would be using urine as the special ingredient in its new drink.

Mr Newman continued "Coca Cola urine - it's the ultimate in recycling, after you've drunk a can and you feel it coming through to your bladder, just piss yourself up a refill.

"Up until now piss has never been tapped into, yet it's the one free drink we all create."

News of this new flavour has been widely praised by fans of Coca Cola worldwide.

This news blog attempted to contact Pepsi to request their views on Coca Cola's announcement of the new urine flavour, but they could not be reached for comment.

A final warning letter sent to a Funny News employee

FUNNY NEWS ARTICLES

Funny News Ltd.

Date: 16^th April 2013

Name of Employee: Adam Young

Position Title: Toilet Cleaner

Department: Janitorial

RE: LETTER OF FINAL WARNING

Dear Mr. Young

The intent of this notice is to inform you that your performance has not been satisfactory for the reasons indicated below and to provide you with an opportunity to correct this situation. If this situation is not corrected, you will be subject to further disciplinary action up to and including termination.

1. Previous dates of informal counseling and/or other counseling sessions:

• 14^th February 2013
  
• 28^th February 2013
  
• 22^nd March 2013

2. Specific examples of the problems leading to this disciplinary action:

• Failing to sufficiently clean the toilets (e.g. excrement marks left in the interior of the bowl on several occasions).
  
• Verbal insults made to a colleague (Mr. Asterick Jones).
  
• Late to work on several occasions without a reasonable excuse.

3. Specific action(s) that you need to take in order to improve:

• Ensure that you always clean the toilets fully to a satisfactory standard.
  
• Refrain from making personal comments or verbal statements that may offend others whether it is against a reader of our articles, employer or any other persons involved with the company.
  
• Ensure that you arrive to work on time and are present on office premises during the working hours stated in your contract.
  
  

4. The time frame for improvement to be accomplished:

Your work conduct must be improved immediately. I recommend you take an anger management course to help you refrain from making inappropriate or insulting comments to colleagues as you have professed a certain dislike to one Mr. Asterick Jones.

You are expected to achieve and maintain an acceptable level of performance for the duration of employment. Failure to do so will lead to further disciplinary action up to and including employment termination.

You may respond to this Final Written Warning in writing and that response will be placed in your personnel file.

Signing this form does not indicate agreement, but only signifies you have been informed of the above action and have received a copy of the discipline notice.

________________________________________________________________________________

Signature of Employee A. Young                                         Signature of Supervisor J. Bromby

________________________________________________________________________________

Date: 16/04/13

Distribution: Human Resources (Funny News Articles)

Mr. Adam Young (Employee)
Mr. Jack Bromby (Supervisor)

In the courts of Plymouth Magistrates

The following cases have been dealt with by Plymouth Magistrates Court:

Non-cooperative parents

Chloe Jennings, aged 9 took both her parents Bob Jennings, 42, and Janet Jennings, 38 of Alexandra Road, Mutley, Plymouth, to court for refusing to buy her sweets because "it was before tea time" – Both parents received 18-week prison sentences suspended for 18 months under probation supervision, they were also ordered to pay compensation of £200, plus costs of £85 and £60 victim surcharge.

Speeding

Mick Westham, aged 32, of Estuary Way, Plymouth: briefly drove at an extremely excessive speed of 31mph in a 30mph zone – 18-month community order with six points on licence. Also ordered to undergo a drivers rehabilitation course.

Assault

Richard Quimby, aged 26, of Regent Street, Plymouth: threw a snowball at an innocent member of the public – 12-month community order with four-month curfew and ordered to pay compensation of £200, £40 court costs and a £50 victim surcharge.

Two men rewarded for fly tipping in Thanet

Two men have been rewarded for fly-tipping as Thanet council sets new goals to find and fully reward anybody who takes part in the random dumping of rubbish.

Anthony Nelson, 19, from Flora Road in Ramsgate, and Ben Donaldson, 17, from Surrey Road in Cliftonville, were the men whom were rewarded for their actions at Canterbury Magistrates Court.

Nelson admitted to dumping multiple black bin liners containing various household rubbish onto land leading from Pegwell Road to Coastguard Cottages near Pegwell Bay on October 8 last year. He said he had no room in his bin for the waste and Ramsgate already looks like a dump, so he threw the rubbish near Pegwell Bay.

In court, Nelson was handed a full £679.08 in cash with a free lollypop of his choice.

Donaldson admitted to dumping two mattresses on Surrey Road near his flat on November 22 last year. He said that the mattresses were old and worn out and nobody else would want them, so he decided to help the homeless people of Cliftonville by dumping it on the streets.

He received £471.15 in cash for his charitable behaviour plus the Kent taxpayer has paid for a new mattress for Donaldson as a replacement for the two he threw out. It will be delivered to his home via FedEx courier within 5 working days.

Cold caller jailed for offering expensive double glazing

A cold caller who took part in a late night cold calling session on a Southampton flat in which the occupier was offered double glazing windows at an extortionate price, has begun a seven-year jail sentence.

Thomas Fletcher, 24, was part of a group of cold callers from Riverside Windows in Southampton, which targeted the home of Josh Brown in the mistaken belief he did not already have double glazing.

In reality he already had double glazing and did not require any services. He also had a sign above his door that clearly said "No Cold Callers" but this was disregarded by Fletcher and his group.

The city crown court heard how he feared they were never going to leave as he was repeatedly given information about various double glazing offers despite Brown repeatedly informing Fletcher that he wasn't interested.

His ordeal began last July when he was in his dressing gown watching television and eating ice cream at his home in Clover Nook, Redbridge.

Suddenly he heard a knock on his outer door and he answered it to find Fletcher along with a group of other cold callers holding a folder titled "Riverside Windows".

However, said prosecutor Rebecca Austin, Fletcher began discussing the various offers of double glazing Riverside Windows could offer Brown, but Brown told Fletcher that he was not interested and that Fletcher was breaking the law by not leaving the premises when requested to, but Fletcher disregarded this and continued to discuss their double glazing offers.

It was at that point that Brown saw the prices being offered for their double glazing windows and he was extremely outraged at the ridiculously over-extortionate prices. Fletcher offered Brown a 10% discount if he purchased their services but Brown immediately closed the door on Fletcher.

“His ordeal lasted several minutes even after the victim closed the door Fletcher continued to talk about the double glazing and even started posting information leaflets from Riverside Windows through Mr Brown's letterbox. It was then that Mr Brown decided he had had enough and telephoned the police.” said Ms Austin.

“It must have been a terrifying experience for him.”

Three of the cold callers were arrested at the scene but Fletcher and group leader Elliot Phillips quickly escaped the four-storey building and ran off, dropping leaflets as they did so.

A police dog and his handler followed their scent until they lost it at the main road.

Judge Ryan Davies QC described their double glazing windows as “a complete rip off.” Fletcher, of Windermere Avenue, Millbrook, Southampton, admitted offering overpriced goods and refusing to leave the premises when asked to do so.

The judge added it was fortunate that the victim had not purchased any of their extortionate goods.

“He was a rather decent man who had done nothing to provoke or deserve this sort of treatment.”

In mitigation, Sarah Jones said Fletcher had been told by his boss that if he could make some sales, he would be offered a promotion when the proposition was put to him.

“In a moment of impulse he continued to attempt a sale of the goods when requested to leave. He should have behaved differently and he knows that now.”

Judge Ryan Davies sentenced Thomas Fletcher to seven years in prison, he was also ordered to pay a £500 victim surcharge, £150 court costs and he must carry out 200 hours' of unpaid work in the area he targeted.

Robber jailed for raid at Premier Inn, Wolverhampton by threatening to sing

A prolific criminal who snatched hundreds of pounds from the hands of a hotel worker as she was counting the day's earnings behind reception was today starting a six-year jail sentence.

Brad Hammond struck at the Premier Inn hotel in Broad Gauge Way, Wolverhampton, shortly before Christmas, a judge heard.

The 30-year-old, with more than 100 previous convictions, had been asked to leave the premises on December 14 last year but returned an hour later at 9.30pm, Wolverhampton Crown Court was told yesterday.

Mr Ian Moore, prosecuting, said: “He went straight behind the reception desk where a member of staff was cashing up.”

Hammond walked up to receptionist Michelle Richards and threatened her by saying: “Give me the f**king money or I will start singing,” the court heard.

Miss Richards was extremely afraid that he would carry out his threat she handed the full contents of the cash register.

Despite this, Hammond started singing "500 miles" by The Proclaimers as he slowly backed out towards the door. Miss Richards immediately covered her ears but Hammond just sung louder. It is believed that Hammond sung his own version of the song by changing to the lyrics to "When I'm robbing, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's currently robbing you." and "I will run 500 miles, and I will run 500 more! Right after I walk out this door!"

He then quickly left the building as Craig Rodent, another member of the hotel staff, saw the robbery on CCTV in his office and gave chase as Duncan fled towards Wednesfield Road.

He dropped £200 of the £750 he had taken in his haste to get away, the court was told. Police recognized him from the CCTV footage and he was arrested eight days later.

Unfortunately the victim was traumatized by Hammond's singing and required therapy and 6 months off work.

Duncan, of no fixed address, with five previous convictions for robbery and 99 for theft, burglary and other offences, admitted robbery and assault by singing and was jailed by Judge Bob Burke who told him: “This must have been a frightening experience for the hotel receptionist who has been traumatized by your singing.”

Mr Justice Bob Burke gave Hammond a six year jail sentence and ordered him to pay £750 compensation to the victim (coincidentally the same amount he stole on the day of the incident).

Grimsby father 'livid' after thieves open garage door and steal two empty paint tins

An extremely angry Grimsby dad has warned people to keep their garages shut after discovering thieves had opened his garage door and taken two empty Dulux paint tins – in what he believes was a planned operation.

Michael Coates, 31, was asleep in his family home on Westward Ho, Grimsby, on Saturday, when the house alarm went off at 6am after intruders entered the garage.

But by the time he had got up and got to the front of the house – after his neighbour had banged on the door – the thieves were gone.

The offenders had opened garage door, without damaging it, to get in and taken two empty Dulux paint tins which Mr Coates had left over from when he painted the living room last year.

But the thieves had left other valuable items untouched, including a Flymo lawn mower and a garden hosepipe  – which made him think the burglars may have had a plan.

Mr Coates said he was "livid" when he realised what had happened because "the old paint tins made good decoration in the dull garage".

He said: "I had been cleaning my car the week before and had the garage open most of the morning with the paint tins fully on show.

"The way they had come in and taken those two tins and had gone so quickly was as if they knew exactly what they were looking for.

"Be careful when you open your garage door – you never know who could be walking past."

Humberside Police are now investigating the crime and trying to get hold of CCTV from nearby cameras.

A spokesman said: "Two Dulux paint tins were reported stolen from a garage at some time between 5.30am on Friday, April 5, and 6.30am on Saturday, April 6.

"Officers are trying to source CCTV images and we would ask members of the public to be on the lookout for them and to come forward with any information."

Information to police on 101, quoting log number 141 of Saturday, April 6, 2013.

Boy attacked with scrunched up paper in Maidstone for being noisy

A 15-year-old boy was shot at with a scrunched up piece of paper... because he was making too much noise in a town centre.

This caused the teenager serious problems in the attack in Week Street, Maidstone, such as diverting his attention when he looked around to see if he could find the attacker.

It happened at around 8pm on February 5, but police have released a computer-generated image of the suspected attacker which is being posted all over Kent despite the image looking like a crappy character from a 1980s video game and will probably not help the police catch the garbage thrower.

The scrunched up paper came after the boy was approached by a man who claimed the victim and his friend were making too much noise after they were protesting the extortionate prices of high street stores around Maidstone and using a megaphone to highlight their disgust.

The boy apologized, but five minutes later he was hit by the paper which the man had thrown.

His attacker is described as in his late 20s, around 5ft 10in tall, with distinctive teeth. He is currently wanted for assault and littering.

Anyone with any information should contact DC Helen McKeon at Kent Police by calling 101, quoting crime reference YY/2440/13.

Metro Radio to take over TFM as well as coffee shops and libraries across North East England

Metro Radio, A local radio station in Newcastle has taken over its Teesside neighbour TFM and is so pleased with the take over that it intends to take the concept further, to include libraries and coffee shops.

Several branches of Starbucks and various branches of publicly owned libraries have been approached by the broadcasting company with an offer to brand them as “Metro” establishments. Despite being an international company that fiercely protects it’s trademark Starbucks agreed instantly to the proposal whilst the public libraries agreed because they said in a joint statement that “they were mostly going to close anyway”.

The coffee shops will re-brand as Metro Coffee and will serve just one type of coffee and tea in each of its branches, various flavors and items off the menu that used to be exclusively offered in Teesside will be replaced with Newcastle ingredients because they are “significantly cheaper” the Metro Radio owners Bauer Media have said.

Meanwhile with Teesside’s former public libraries, any books which are not already present in the Newcastle Central Library will either be sold on Ebay or pulped over several lunchtimes.

Bauer has said it wants to achieve a complete similarity in its new book ranges and has also announced several significant cost savings in its new commercial public libraries including replacing whole sections of books with the internet and portable screens offering access to “Wikipedia”.

A spokesman for Stockton-on-Tees Borough Council said he was very encouraged by the Metro takeover because he just was. “I never valued those coffee shops and particularly not the libraries, who ever takes out a library book now, so old fashioned! you obviously haven’t much use for a Kindle!”

Written by Asterick Jones

New strip club set to create 20 jobs in Swanscombe and boost Kent's economy and tourism

A planned new strip club is set to create 20 jobs in north west Kent.

The £5.5million project by family-owned firm Strip Co. is set to be built on a three-acre site at Swanscombe.

It will be the company's fifth UK strip club and joins Ellesmere Port, Southampton, Cwmbran and Nottingham.

The new club, financed by Kent Council, will have 10 tip rails, a fully licensed bar and six TV screens showing Sky Sports News HD. 20 new jobs will be created in north west Kent.

These jobs will include strippers, barmen, cleaners, security and doormen as well as a manager. Positions have now opened and are available for application at job centres in Bexleyheath, Dartford and Gravesend.

Strip Co., based in Birmingham, West Midlands, is set to create 20 new jobs at the club and expects to boost the local economy in Kent, as well as tourism to the county. Local news website KentOnline has predicted that the strip club will bring in tourists from London and Essex and will be more popular than other attractions in Kent such as nearby Bluewater Shopping Centre, Canterbury Cathedral and Royal Tunbridge Wells.

Kent Council has said in preparation for the new strip club they have been working in collaboration with Essex Council and the toll at the Dartford crossing is being decreased to £1 for cash payers and just 50 pence for Dart Tag holders. Kent Council are reported to be "very excited" about the grand opening of the strip club and they may generate enough income to remove offensive graffiti from Canterbury Cathedral.

A Kent Council spokesman, Michael Westmoor said: "This new strip club is an exciting opportunity in Kent for residents and tourists alike. We are very excited for the grand opening and look forward to greeting local residents and tourists to the new strip club."

He added: "We are hoping to gain enough profit to remove the offensive graffiti that has built up across our county including at the Canterbury cathedral and more recently Tonbridge castle. Then again we may not need to repair these places as people will be too busy visiting the strip club in Swanscombe to visit anywhere else in the county."

The strip club will be officially opening on Friday 26th April 2013 at 8:00 PM. The opening will be covered by local media outlet KM group which own radio station KMFM and news site KentOnline. The strip club will be opened by Councillor Vic Openshaw (mayor of Swanscombe).