New UK restaurant surcharges coming into effect

The Restaurant Group PLC are a company which own various popular restaurant chains across the United Kingdom including Frankie & Benny's, Chiquito, Garfunkel's, Filling Station, Home Counties Pub Restaurant and Brunning & Price.

If you regularly eat at any of the above establishments then this article will be of particular interest to you as The Restaurant Group have announced they are bringing unnecessary expensive surcharges into all of their restaurants for various services, utensils, extras and even the decor.

The Restaurant Group stated that the reason for these surcharges is that they just wanted to do it to make more money for themselves. To enforce these charges modern, up to date technology will be used.

Some of the new changes include:

Cutlery - Knife (£20), Spoon (£30), Fork (£35)

Since the theft of cutlery has been increasing in restaurants recently, the use of stated utensils will now come at a price, and not a cheap one at that! The use of cutlery will cost the diner greatly and the cost will be included in the final bill at the end of the meal under the new "utensils & cutlery" charge. However it is not mandatory for restaurant customers to use cutlery as The Restaurant Group have stated customers are free to use their hands to eat their food.

Ketchup - Basic Store Brand (£30 per litre), Heinz (£80 per litre)

For those who prefer to eat their meal with ketchup this will be possible but will also cost. Customers will have the choice of eating with high quality Heinz ketchup for a higher charge or if they prefer to budget, they will be able to eat with basic, low quality store brand ketchup. The ketchup will be charged by the litre of liquid that is placed onto the dining plate. Measurements of how much ketchup a customer has used will be carried out using a small sensor implemented into the bottle, this will record the measurements and automatically add the appropriate charge to the bill.

Water - Tap (£20 per litre), Mineral (£150 per bottle)

Like with the ketchup above the water will work the same way, low quality tap water can be used for budgeting but for more middle class diners they may choose the mineral option.

Seating - Chair (£40 per 30 minutes of sitting), Floor (free)

Restaurant goers will be charged every half an hour for sitting on chairs due to the high volume of customers that restaurants experience, however customers will have the option of dining on the floor if they cannot afford to sit on a chair. Chairs will be fitted with a pressure sensor which will record the amount of time a customer has been sitting for, this charge will then be automatically added to the final bill.

Wasting Food - Anything from £100 - £500

Failing to finish what is on the plate is a chargeable offense in the restaurant from now on, and a customer can be charged anything from £100 up to £500 for not clearing their plate. It will of course vary by what food the customer ordered and how much is left uneaten on the plate.

Use of the toilet - #1 (£15), #2 (£60)

Toilet use in a restaurant will now be charged based on what the customer is using the toilet for. Discharging those £150 mineral waters will cost you dearly, but not as much as discharging those hamburgers that you put £80 Heinz high quality ketchup on. Toilets will be fitted with sensors to detect and record which type of substance you have discharged, this will then be automatically added to the bill.

Observing the art - Da Vinci (£300), Monet (£400), Picasso (£500), Van Gogh (£600), Warhol (£800) *all per 15 seconds of observations*

All restaurants have artwork displayed on the walls and Restaurant Group are no exception to this. The one exception, however, is Restaurant Group actually charge you to look at the paintings. Depending on which artist's work you are looking at you will be charged an amount for your observations every 15 seconds. All paintings will have a small camera on the frame of the picture which will detect when you are looking at the painting, this will then be recorded and automatically added to the bill.

Ice Cubes - 1 (£10), 2 (£20), 3 (£30) etc. *may also vary by perimeter, area and volume of cube* 

Some drinks are best served ice cold but there will be an additional charge for this service as well as a charge for the number of ice cubes you request in your drink. The perimeter, area and volume of each cube used will be measured and also taken into account for the charge. This is almost a necessity because to encourage people to use this service The Restaurant Group have stated that any drink that does not have ice cubes will be served at an optimum temperature in excess of 30°C.

Release of bodily functions - Burping (£50), Farting (£100)

Bodily functions will have to be controlled in the presence of other restaurant diners otherwise they will be recorded by small but powerful microphones hidden in various places across the restaurant and the charge will automatically be added onto the bill at the end of the meal.

Listening to the music - £75 per track

If music is being played inside the restaurant and you are listening to it, you will be charged for this. This is not Restaurant Group policy, it is now a legal requirement by the PPL and PRS. All restaurants will be equipped with cameras to monitor all customers and if body movements are received in line with the beat of the music playing, this will be recorded and automatically added to the bill at the end of the meal.

Watching TV - £150 per 30 seconds

Most restaurants can now afford Sky for the premium sports channels, and they now have a way of affording it - by charging you, the customer. All TVs in the restaurant will be fitted with cameras and when the eyes of a person lock onto the camera directly - which will happen when the person looks at the TV screen - this will be recorded every 30 seconds and automatically added to the bill at the end of the meal.

Condiments - Various (£200 - £500)

Condiment charges now apply depending on which one is being used and can be charged from £200 up to £500. It will also depend on the brand, similar situation like with the ketchup, for example Saxa salt will naturally cost considerably more than basic store brand salt.

Reading the menu - £20 per minute

Menus are now fitted with small micro cameras which can detect when your eyes are reading the information on the card. Yep, you guessed it, these cameras will record these eye movements and it will be automatically added to the bill at the end of the meal.

Tips - Waiter (£20), Chef (£50), Manager (£100)

Tips are now mandatory in all Restaurant Group establishments and these tips are added to the bill by default.