Funny Job Posts - Northampton

Shelf Restocker - Morrisons

Job Type: Temporary

Location: Northampton, Northamptonshire

Salary: Minimum Wage

Start Date: ASAP

Duration: Temporary

Reference: 270433-EWR356848733-1

Qualifications Required: PHD in Supermarket Studies, PHD in Advanced Mathematical Studies (including algebra), Masters Degree in Supermarket Restocking

There is currently a job opportunity in Northampton to restock shelves at the Morrisons on Victoria Road. Working hours will be midnight - 6am every day. Salary will be minimum wage. The candidate must hold advanced qualifications in supermarket studies, mathematical studies and supermarket restocking. As well as that, the candidate must be fluent in English, Polish, Chinese (Mandarin) and Japanese in order to communicate with the ethnic minorities of the United Kingdom. The candidate must undertake a successful interview with the president, chairman and CEO of Morrisons, as well undergo a successful polygraph (lie detector) test, medical examination and military supermarket training. Only the physically fittest candidates will be successful.

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Taxi Driver - A1 Taxis

Job Type: Permanent

Location: Northampton, Northamptonshire

Salary: Keep what you earn

Start Date: ASAP

Duration: Permanent

Reference: 26483-GHT532552345-4

Qualifications Required: Masters Degree in Bad Driving, PHD in Advanced Mathematical Studies, PHD in Advanced Janitorial & Cleaning Studies, Bachelors Degree in Martial Arts

A1 Taxis in Northampton are looking for a driver to collect passengers and drop them off at various points around Northampton. Working hours will be 6am-10pm Mon-Thur and 6pm-3am Fri, Sat. There is no official wage but the candidate may keep what they earn. The candidate must hold the four advanced qualifications (above). A PHD in Advanced Janitorial & Cleaning Studies must be held because puke may have to be cleaned after customers have partied too hard on Friday and Saturday nights. A Bachelors Degree in Martial Arts must be held in case of anyone trying to escape without paying for the journey.

The candidate must be Asian, black or Mixed Race and must not hold British citizenship. The candidate must not speak fluent English. The candidate will be required to undertake a successful driving test in which they will knock down elderly people, speed in excess of at least 30 mph over the limit, not wear a seatbelt and run at least three red lights.

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