Controlled explosion carried out at postbox in Cambridgeshire after highly secret microSD card accidentally posted

A MicroSD card featuring the complete back catalogue of Queen has been accidentally dropped into a random postbox in St. Neots, Cambridgeshire.

The card contained content that is protected by the Official Secrets Act that we are not allowed to reveal, but will anyway. Content included rare studio mixes and precious outtake, and for some reason, images of Freddie Mercury sitting in a variety of positions on the toilet, which included a rare golden toilet seat that nobody outside Garden Lodge in Kensington has ever seen.

When the situation arose units were called in from Cambridgeshire Police, the SAS, MI5, MI6 and soldiers with military tanks from RAF Alconbury near Huntingdon, all of which made the usually uneventful town of St. Neots looks like a warzone. Cambridge Road, where the postbox was located, was completely closed off and nearby residents were evacuated as a precautionary procedure.

A spokesman from MI5 said: "No one was allowed to post any letters or bills until the tiny card was retrieved.

"Unable to retrieve the minuscule memory card, in the end we opted to conduct a controlled explosion to the postbox in order to prevent the copyrighted tracks falling into the wrong hands, for example, a postman who knows how to use torrenting software."

The SAS said in a statement: "Unfortunately some people's letters were obliterated as part of the optional yet absolutely necessary incendiary procedure that was conducted on the formerly red, and in one piece, postal pillar box."

Debt companies will accept no excuses to check as the unavoidable complete, destruction of the payments.

As a result of the unavoidable incident at the postbox, which was entirely the customers fault for not realising that something was about to happen that they had no way to avoid and were thus, speculatively negligent, those small section of customers will have to pay their bills twice.

The MicroSD card, or the remnants of which, were later found across the road from the smoking remains of the former community mail drop off dispatch box or "postbox" as it is colloquially known by forensic experts, in pieces smaller than atoms.

Former Queen member Brian May was said to be dissatisfied as the forensic experts might still have been able to piece enough of the card back together to get access to one of the rare tracks. So he has ordered for the remains to be taken to CERN in Switzerland and to be placed in the way of the large Hadron Collider.

An investigation has since been carried out by MI6 to determine the events that led up to this incident and the report has been finalised.

1. Phone containing complete Queen back catalogue flew out of a man's hand as he tripped up over a dropped Cornetto wrapper on the pavement along Cambridge Road in St. Neots.

2. He was walking near a postbox at the time of the incident and the phone hit the top of the pillar box causing the back battery cover to come loose and detach, the violent impact also sent the MicroSD card that was placed in a slot underneath the battery to come loose and fly in a trajectory that unfortunately went straight into the mouth of the postbox.

The rest as you say was history.

When interviewed, the man said he was too busy listening to Queen - Another One Bites The Dust (a rare mix where Freddie Mercury played the percussion entirely on toothpicks strummed against an empty Coke can) to look where he was going.

Following the mishap, the phone still works the man, Charlie Gumtree, said as long as you don't need to look at the screen.