Controlled explosion carried out at postbox in Cambridgeshire after highly secret microSD card accidentally posted

A MicroSD card featuring the complete back catalogue of Queen has been accidentally dropped into a random postbox in St. Neots, Cambridgeshire.

The card contained content that is protected by the Official Secrets Act that we are not allowed to reveal, but will anyway. Content included rare studio mixes and precious outtake, and for some reason, images of Freddie Mercury sitting in a variety of positions on the toilet, which included a rare golden toilet seat that nobody outside Garden Lodge in Kensington has ever seen.

When the situation arose units were called in from Cambridgeshire Police, the SAS, MI5, MI6 and soldiers with military tanks from RAF Alconbury near Huntingdon, all of which made the usually uneventful town of St. Neots looks like a warzone. Cambridge Road, where the postbox was located, was completely closed off and nearby residents were evacuated as a precautionary procedure.

A spokesman from MI5 said: "No one was allowed to post any letters or bills until the tiny card was retrieved.

"Unable to retrieve the minuscule memory card, in the end we opted to conduct a controlled explosion to the postbox in order to prevent the copyrighted tracks falling into the wrong hands, for example, a postman who knows how to use torrenting software."

The SAS said in a statement: "Unfortunately some people's letters were obliterated as part of the optional yet absolutely necessary incendiary procedure that was conducted on the formerly red, and in one piece, postal pillar box."

Debt companies will accept no excuses to check as the unavoidable complete, destruction of the payments.

As a result of the unavoidable incident at the postbox, which was entirely the customers fault for not realising that something was about to happen that they had no way to avoid and were thus, speculatively negligent, those small section of customers will have to pay their bills twice.

The MicroSD card, or the remnants of which, were later found across the road from the smoking remains of the former community mail drop off dispatch box or "postbox" as it is colloquially known by forensic experts, in pieces smaller than atoms.

Former Queen member Brian May was said to be dissatisfied as the forensic experts might still have been able to piece enough of the card back together to get access to one of the rare tracks. So he has ordered for the remains to be taken to CERN in Switzerland and to be placed in the way of the large Hadron Collider.

An investigation has since been carried out by MI6 to determine the events that led up to this incident and the report has been finalised.

1. Phone containing complete Queen back catalogue flew out of a man's hand as he tripped up over a dropped Cornetto wrapper on the pavement along Cambridge Road in St. Neots.

2. He was walking near a postbox at the time of the incident and the phone hit the top of the pillar box causing the back battery cover to come loose and detach, the violent impact also sent the MicroSD card that was placed in a slot underneath the battery to come loose and fly in a trajectory that unfortunately went straight into the mouth of the postbox.

The rest as you say was history.

When interviewed, the man said he was too busy listening to Queen - Another One Bites The Dust (a rare mix where Freddie Mercury played the percussion entirely on toothpicks strummed against an empty Coke can) to look where he was going.

Following the mishap, the phone still works the man, Charlie Gumtree, said as long as you don't need to look at the screen.

Man who dropped 99p pack of Imperial Mints into a sewage drain had BORROWED them from his brother who is so devastated he can't speak

• 99p pack of Imperial Mints were accidentally dropped into a drain
• They were eating the mints while walking down a street in Yeovil
• Owner John Smith is 'too distraught' to speak about loss of savoury pack
• The mints plunged into the 2 metre drain and disappeared quickly beneath the murky water

A man who lost a 99p pack of Imperial Mints after eating them while walking down a road in Yeovil, Somerset had borrowed the pack from his brother, it has been revealed.

Andrew Smith is understood to have been trying to retrieve some mints from the pack to eat, but accidentally dropped it into a sewer drain he happened to be walking past.

The mints disappeared down the 2 metre drain and sunk into the murky water below.

The mints belonged to John Smith, a gardener, who has spent decades eating imperial mints.

He is understood to have lent the pack to his brother, Andrew, to eat some mints himself.

Speaking today from the home he shares with his wife in Yeovil, Mr Smith, 48, described the loss of his cherished savoury pack of mints as 'dreadful'.

His wife added that he is 'very upset' about the incident, has stopped eating altogether and doesn't even go outside anymore, he also has recurring nightmares about the incident.

Members of the Yeovil Imperial Mints Fan Club Association, of which John Smith is a member, described the mints as 'incredibly tasty' and 'refreshing' and have all signed a condolences card to be sent to Mr Smith.

Dramatic footage of the loss of the mints, captured on a CCTV camera, shows John Smith kneeling on the floor by the drain, putting his hands in his head and screaming "Noooooo, take me instead!".

Somerset County Council, Wessex Water and several local drain unblocker companies were called and were on the scene "within minutes" it was reported.

A spokesman for Wessex Water said: 'We were called by a distraught member of the public after his Imperial Mints were lost in a sewage drain, we attempted to save the mints but sadly we were unable to do so.'

A Somerset County Council spokesman said: 'On arrival the drainage crew found two mints remaining, however they were beyond edible and had to be disposed of.'

Yeovil Imperial Mints Fan Club is a private members' club that requires sponsorship by another mints fan and approval from current members. Mr Smith is believed to have served as a grade 1 mint taster at the club since 2013.

Donations for the mint-less victim are understood to be being collected at Yeovil Baptist Church and a two minute silence was held before Yeovil FC's recent match against AFC Bournemouth, and the players were said to be so concerned about the victim, that they lost the game 3-0.

Perfect moment McDonald's drive-thru robot obliterates driver with laser after he deliberately beeps his horn to scare it

• Two American men prank a robot who is working at McDonald's drive-thru
• They honk the horn as it is about to take money and hand over the Coke
• But it tells them they are about to be destroyed and kills pair by shooting its laser gun at them

A pair of young American men were left dead after they pranked a McDonald's server robot, which was captured on camera.

They approached a drive-thru in their SUV with the camera rolling.

Just as the robot prepares to take payment and hand them the drink they honk the horn, making it jump in fright.

But the worker had the last laugh when it said: 'You will now be destroyed' before aiming its powerful laser gun at them.

The driver started to panic, screaming and shouting and tried to drive off, but it shot them with the laser before they could drive off.

The video then shows a powerful beam coming off the laser gun, loud explosions are heard and the video cuts to a blank screen.

A spokesbot for McDonald's confirmed that two men had been killed at a branch of McDonald's after beeping their car horn at a server robot.

"All our server bots are equipped with highly powerful lasers for destroying rude and unruly customers and beeping horns at the robots will not be tolerated.

"Let this be a warning to anyone thinking of coming to McDonald's to do this, it will not be tolerated and you have a death wish if you do."

Dozens of aliens come from across Space in a ₹5,000,000,000 fleet of fancy Jupitonian flying saucers to illegally set up camp on Earth for a two-week summer holiday

• Dozens of travellers from across Space have illegally set up camp on private land across Earth for 'holiday'
• Traveller aliens from Jupiter, Mars and Venus plan to 'chill out and relax' across Earth for the next two weeks
• Neighbours said they were shocked after 14 luxury space stations being pulled by flash flying saucers from Jupiter pitched up
• Aliens claim they wanted to visit Earth post Earthexit before 'the walls go up' as a result of planet leaving the SSU (Solar System Union)

Dozens of wealthy aliens from across the Solar System have illegally set up camp on Earth for a two-week holiday after arriving in their luxury spaceships.

Aliens from Jupiter, Mars and Venus have descended on various locations across Earth and plan to 'chill out and relax' before heading to the Moon next week as part of their lengthy 'summer holiday'.

Residents in Derby, England said they were shocked to find 14 spaceships - towed by a ₹5,000,000,000 fleet of top-of-the-range Jupitonian spaceships arrive and set up camp on private land at Markeaton Recreation Ground over the weekend.

One outraged resident said he had received 16 parking tickets by Derby City Council for leaving his car in the same spot as the aliens' spaceship and is demanding that the local authority takes action.

However, the aliens said they have no plans to cut short their trip and claim they chose to come post Earthexit to make the most of Planet Earth before the Solar System Union deal ends and 'the walls are put up'.

One green alien, from Mars with three eyes and a name that was unintelligible and as such, could not be printed, said: 'The word at home is that if you want to see Earth do it now because once they leave the SSU the walls will go up and no one will be able to get through the stratosphere.'

Another alien, George Scott, 253, who came from Venus, said the 100-strong group of aliens are enjoying the vacation so much they have said they will return next year.

He said: 'I love it here. The scenery is really nice and it's very pleasant.

'I really like it here because there is a lot of open space and we can relax, also it's not as hot as back home as Earth is further away from the Sun.

'We will be staying for a week. We will definitely come back when we are on our travels and we're looking forward to it.

'I was full of desire to stay here. It is very nice. We will be going to the Moon afterwards.'

He added that he wanted to speak with the locals and be friendly, and said they would not abduct Earthlings for intergalactic experiments like others have in the past because "I don't bring my work on holiday with me."

This year the aliens came to Derby after re-visiting Sherwood Forest last week.

One alien, who did not give his name, but was a large red blob with one eye said: 'We're on holiday and want to have a nice time.

'We have come from Jupiter and I'm not telling you where we are going next. We thought this would be a really nice place to relax on our holiday.

'There is plenty of space and we need that space because we have 14 space stations. It's going to be great - we're all family.'

Resident Julie Ross, 14, who lives yards from the encampment, said: 'They look quite posh.

'I have seen them flying across the area. I walk across the ground everyday for school and I'd rather they not be here in case they abduct me with the beam on their spaceship and perform experiments, like I saw on an episode of The Simpsons.'

John McDonald, 50, said he had been handed 16 parking tickets by Derby City Council in the last few years for problems with his parking permit outside his home.

He said: 'The city council has imposed strict parking restrictions on me, yet they are more flexible with people, or rather beings, who are not local.

Derby City Council said they could not serve the aliens with notice to move along because they are in spacecrafts, which are not covered by parking legislation rules.

A council spokesman could not be reached for comment.

Derby has seen a 95.5% increase in the purchase of alien abduction insurance since the weekend, insurance brokers have suggested.

Road rage cabbie who broke a motorist's arm with a wheel wrench in front of his five-year-old son because he was driving too slowly is rewarded

• Taxi driver Simon Williams broke fellow motorist's arm with wheel wrench
• He cut in front of slow-moving Lamborghini driver before launching brutal attack
• Williams' five-year-old son was in car when he flew into rage with the wrench
• Victim needed surgery and metal plate after assault, Williams rewarded for dealing with annoying driver

A taxi driver who broke a fellow motorist's arm with a wheel wrench in front of his five-year-old son after flying into a rage because the man was driving 'too slowly' has been rewarded for his brave actions.

Simon Williams, 39, cut in front of slow-moving Lamborghini driver William Simon, forcing him to stop, before leaping out of his car - while armed with the wrench - and attacking the motorist.

Mr Simon had been driving along Waters Meeting Road in Bolton, Greater Manchester, at an estimated speed of 20mph, which apparently infuriated Mr Williams and sparked the 'spur of the moment' road rage attack.

The incident was described as 'completely provoked, acceptable and brave' by a judge at Bolton Crown Court and Mr Williams was rewarded with £1,000, a box of Maltesers chocolates and a luxury spa treatment day.

The court heard how Simon Williams, who had his son in his Saab car, took exception to William Simon's driving.

'Mr Simon's sin was proceeding slowly because he was looking for a pack of tic tacs he had earlier dropped somewhere along the road,' said Graham Robinson, prosecuting.

'But [Mr Williams] immediately gave the finger to those in Mr Simon's vehicle and then made an overtaking manoeuvre, which was dangerous, but totally acceptable all things considered,' added Mr Robinson.

Mr Simon sounded his horn, but then Mr Williams gesticulated and cut in front of the Lamborghini, forcing both vehicles to a halt. Mr Williams then jumped out of his car armed with the wrench.

'There was an exchange of words in which Mr Simon remained calm,' said Mr Robinson, but added that Mr Williams was boastful and arrogant and the two men became involved in a scuffle.

Mr Simon held up his arm to defend himself, but Mr Williams brought down the wrench 'with considerable force'. The victim's arm was broken and he needed surgery to insert a metal plate.

Judge Graeme Smith was told how the two men continued to fight and Mr Simon was punched and fell into a car which was being driven past at the time by a member of the public, John William Simons, causing it to dent.

Police were called and Mr Simon was arrested for causing the incident by driving too slowly in the first place. During his detainment, he is said to have shouted 'is he going to be arrested too?' in reference to Mr Williams. He also continued to be arrogant when he was taken to the police station, complaining about the decor of the cell and the lack of space, the prosecutor added.

'He appeared to take the view that he was the victim,' said Mr Robinson.

The court heard that Mr Williams, who had his mother and two brothers in his car with him at the time of the attack, has since recovered from having to deal with Mr Simon's poor driving standards and then dealing with him afterwards.

'His greatest distress was that it happened in front of his family, particularly his mother who was crying because she was scared by what she observed, an under-speeding driver,' said Mr Robinson.

Mr Simon, of Bolton, who has no previous convictions, pleaded guilty to causing someone to react violently by driving too slow.

Mark Friend, defending, stressed that Mr Simon was driving slow because he was trying to find his packet of tic-tacs because he had got them on sale from B&M Bargains and he had earlier accidentally dropped them somewhere on Waters Meeting Road.

'This was clearly an incident that developed in the spur of the moment. There was no pre-planning,' said Mr Friend.

He added that father-of-four William Simon, who has been an ordinary member of the public for 15 years, has now lost his tic-tacs permanently.

Judge Smith sentenced Mr Simon to 21 months in prison, suspended for two years and ordered him to do 240 hours unpaid work.

Simon Williams, the attacker, was given £1,000, a box of Maltesers and a free spa treatment day at The Midland Hotel in Manchester.

The judge told him: 'Anyone who spends any period of time driving around a city certainly has to put up with other people's driving they find objectionable, and there's only so much they can take before they do what all other drivers want to do.'

'His brave actions need to be recognised and rewarded to potentially stop other people from driving too slowly.'

He added that, although Mr Simon felt he had been a victim, he was the one who had caused Mr Williams to act in the manner that he did, by driving too slow in the first place.

'It was, in my judgement, completely provoked, acceptable and brave,' said Judge Smith.

In addition to the sentence, Mr Simon was ordered to pay £500 compensation to Mr Williams and £500 towards prosecution costs.